Life's Common Sexual Experiences
We often overreact to sexual behaviors of our children as
if they were acts of great perversion. Handled without
understanding, common sexual experiences of childhood and
adolescence can wound deeply, and lead to greater sin in
From childhood on, our sexual natures demand both
attention and discipline. In this lesson, we will discuss
the common sexual experiences of childhood and
adolescence, including diaper, and potty training,
genital play, the discovery of pornography, masturbation,
and dating, and provide a healthy biblical perspective on
issues as parents.
Mishandled by parents and tabooed by society, common
sexual experiences can often lead to trouble in
adulthood. Healing of adult sexual sin will often
necessitate recognition and healing of
these earlier roots.
When I was a child I talked like a child I thought like a
child, I reasoned like a child, when I became a man I put
childish ways behind me.
I Corinthians 13:11
Sexual difficulties are not always due to molestation.
Common sexual experiences should be examined as problems,
especially when there is no memory or evidence of
Holy marital sex during pregnancy has never been known to
harm individuals. However harsh, insensitive, lustful,
forceful and unwise sex can negatively affect an unborn
Prenatal responses to this form of abuse could be fear of
the male organ, or phallus-shaped objects, such as
knives. They could have feelings that sex is unclean in
response to mother's emotions or pornographic influences.
The child could be born with a spirit or habit of lust.
He or she could be drawn as an adult to fornication,
prostitution, and lust.
for prenatal sexual wounds
o Recognition may have to come from discernment from The
Holy Spirit, unless mother has confirmed through
with the child.
o Forgiveness of father for injury to mother and for
frightening the baby. This will happen by faith, out of
obedience to the word of God.
When parents have healthy attitudes regarding sex,
children survive common sexual experiences quite well.
But when parents are immature, fearful, insensitive or
immoral, the negative impact of these experiences will be
sexual experiences of childhood and adolescence
o Breast feeding
o Diaper and potty training
o Genital discovery, and play
o Discovery of pornography and voyeurism
o Sexuality in dating
parental responses to common sexual experiences
o Categorizing any and all common sexual experience as
sin, or taboo is not a good idea.
The biggest problem is a parent's over-reaction to common
sexual experiences. Becoming frantic and fearful when a
child is caught exploring his or her sexuality can cause
a greater harm to the child than the act itself
If a child is found playing "show and tell"
with body pans, with the neighbor child or with a
sibling, it would be better not to over-react, but simply
and calmly explain that this is not acceptable behavior.
Our private parts are wonderful and given to us by God,
but they are not to be compared or shown to one another.
This is the area of the body that God chose to filter out
the waste product from the food and drink that the body
doesn't use for fuel. That's why we wash our hands after
we go to the bathroom.
If the child is old enough for a discussion concerning
reproduction, This might be the time for that as well.
The age of the child will determine the vocabulary and
the direction of the conversation. What you don't want is
the child thinking that the body is dirty, or shameful,
and thus so is he/she.
If the child is found masturbating, chances are he/she is
old enough for the reproductive talk. It is important to
let he/she know that the feelings that he/she has are
very normal. These emotions are being developed to
prepare him/her for marriage. This is not love, but this
is a wonderful expression of love between a husband and a
wife. It is ordained, created, designed and given by God
as a gift to a husband and a wife for the purpose of
celebration. On your own or outside of marriage it is
used by satan to corrupt good morals. The emotions and
feelings are not bad or sinful, how we respond to these
feelings make them sinful. We ask the Lord to help us
control our feelings and emotions. Sometimes it is very
difficult, but we do the very best that we can.
o We do not want sex to become a substitute for love.
o We do not want sex to become an emotional outlet
for those wounded by common sexual experiences.
Teach - Remove the taboos and put the behavior in its
o Pray accordingly for forgiveness by helping the client
to see his/her own heart.
o Help the client to see the heart of the parents who
responded wrongly, and pray to forgive them, tempering
accountability with understanding.
o Discern possible inner vows and take authority over
o Break any associations equating perversions with love.
o Pray for deliverance of spirits as needed.
Other causes of sexual dysfunction
o Neglect or lack of affection
o Physical abuse
o Controlling family
o Verbal abuse, especially regarding gender
o o Family did not share feelings
o Parental Inversion
o Substitute Mate
sins will occur wherever sex has been made to seem
unclean. Some churches still teach the false doctrine
that the body is evil. In these environments, the natural
curiosity of children is made to seem nasty and unclean,
thus provoking a rebellious desire to do and see
what is forbidden.
A number of heresies throughout the history of the church
have given rise to this idea that the spirit is good and
the flesh is bad. Holding to this view, the Greeks could
not accept that Jesus, the very Son of God, could have
been born as a lowly human being amid all the pain and
blood, suckled at His mother's breast, and had His
diapers changed! In the 1800's both Catholics and
Protestants were taught that it was sinful to enjoy sex,
and that true Christians would therefore mortify their
It is against this backdrop of false morality, guilt and
shame that we must hold on to the truth of our creation
and of God's gift to us.
"And the word became flesh "
is a controversial subject among
Christians. Some say it is sinful, and others suggest it
is quite natural and not sinful at all.
There are no scriptures which specifically id�ntify
masturbation as sin. Leviticus 15:16
o speaks of a man ejaculating, but says only that he is
unclean until he washes, not that this act is sinful.
Some Christians quote the story of Onan and his brother's
wife as evidence of the sinfulness of masturbation is
sinful; however, the text is not about masturbation at
all, but rather Onan's sin of not allowing his brother to
Masturbation becomes sinful under certain conditions:
when it is accompanied by fantasy; and when the euphoria
following climax becomes a substitute for prayer, thus
becoming an idol. Either of these conditions turns
masturbation into an addiction and a basis for future and
more serious sexual dysfunctions.
for addiction to masturbation involves:
recognizing roots/ circumstances which created the
addiction, and forgiving appropriate persons, including
B. lessening the struggle in the flesh- Battling any
addiction through sheer willpower only increases the
problem. Help the person to release the struggle to the
Lord, and begin to sublimate energies to other outlets.
C. deliverance, if necessary - Sometimes a
spirit of sexual lust or perversion must be cast away,
but always in conjunction with healing the roots.
There was no dating in biblical days. Parents chose
spouses for their children, often without consulting
them. The purposes of dating were accomplished through
the first three months of a year long honeymoon period,
during which biblical couples got to know one another.
Since the Bible says nothing of dating, parents must
prepare children with careful teaching:
A. Our bodies are holy the touching of sexual and genital
areas of the body is to be reserved only for spouses.
B. Long-term dating of one person increases dangers of
familiarity. To avoid these problems, dating can often be
done in groups, and around both sets of parents. When
couples are alone they should avoid long kisses which
might lead to arousal
C. As relationships grow, memories and shared experiences
create increased intimacy and fondness, making it more
and more difficult to stay sexually pure. What is safe
tonight may not be safe tomorrow.
1). When an embrace turns from fondness to passion, it's
time to stop. We are created for covenant. Our inner
beings recognize passion for the other as entrance into
the covenant relationship that belongs only to the
spouse. We are naturally drawn to it but, out of love for
ourselves and the other, must avoid it until marriage.
F. Sexual union is a union of our spirits and thus of our
entire beings. Children need to know how precious this
union is to husband and wife, and conversely, how hurtful
it is without the covering of marriage and the blessing
38:9 - But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his;
so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled
his seed on the ground to keep from producing offspring
for his brother.
Leviticus 6:1-7- The Lord said to Moses: "If any-one
sins and is unfaithful to the Lord by deceiving
his neighbor about something entrusted to him or left in
his care or stolen, or if he cheats him, or if he finds
lost property and lies about it, or if he swears falsely,
or if he commits any such sin that people may do-- when
he thus sins and becomes guilty, he must return what he
has stole nor taken by extortion, or what was entrusted
to him, or the lost property he
found, or whatever it was he swore falsely about. He must
make restitution in full, add a fifth of the value to it
and give it all to the owner on the day he presents his
guilt offering. And as a penalty he must bring to the
priest, that is, to the Lord, his guilt offering, a ram
from the flock, one without defect and of the proper
value. In this way the priest will make atonement for him
before the Lord, and he will be forgiven for any of these
things he did that made him guilty."
Leviticus 15:16 - "When a man has an emission of
semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he
will be unclean fill evening."
Deuteronomy 22;21 - ... she shall be brought to the door
of her father's house and there the men of her town shall
stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in
Israel by being promiscuous while in her fathers' house.
Purge the evil from among you.
Proverbs 5:5-6-Her the adulteress'] feet go down to
death: her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no
thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but
she knows it not.
Matthew 5:28 - "But I tell you that anyone who looks
at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with
her in his heart."
Johns: 8; 1O-11-Jesus straighted up and asked her,
"Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned
you?" "No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus
declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin"
John 19:11 -Jesus answered, "You would have no power
over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore
the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater
Romans 7:14-25-We know that the law is spiritual; but I
am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not
understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do,
but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to
do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no
longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I
know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful
nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I
cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want
to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on
doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no
longer 1 who do it,
it is sin living in me that does it.
I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is
right there with me. For in my inner being J delight in
God's law; but I see another law at work in the members
of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and
making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my
members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me
from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus
Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but
in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
I Corinthians 7:14 - For the unbelieving husband has been
sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has
been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise
your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are
I Thessalonians 4:3-5 NAS - For this is the will of God,
your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from
sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess
his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in
lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God...
I John 5:16 - If anyone sees his brother sinning, if the
sin is not deadly, he should pray to God and he will give
him life. This is only for those whose sin is not deadly.
There is such a thing as deadly sin, about which I do not
say that you
on the praying couple for prayer common
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Last Updated Friday, June 15, 2001. 11:22:52