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Healing Life's Common Sexual Experiences


We often overreact to sexual behaviors of our children as if they were acts of great perversion. Handled without understanding, common sexual experiences of childhood and adolescence can wound deeply, and lead to greater sin in adulthood,

From childhood on, our sexual natures demand both attention and discipline. In this lesson, we will discuss the common sexual experiences of childhood and adolescence, including diaper, and potty training, genital play, the discovery of pornography, masturbation, and dating, and provide a healthy biblical perspective on handling these
issues as parents.

Mishandled by parents and tabooed by society, common sexual experiences can often lead to trouble in adulthood. Healing of adult sexual sin will often necessitate recognition and healing of
these earlier roots.

When I was a child I talked like a child I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, when I became a man I put childish ways behind me.
I Corinthians 13:11

Sexual difficulties are not always due to molestation. Common sexual experiences should be examined as problems, especially when there is no memory or evidence of molestation.

Holy marital sex during pregnancy has never been known to harm individuals. However harsh, insensitive, lustful, forceful and unwise sex can negatively affect an unborn child.

Prenatal responses to this form of abuse could be fear of the male organ, or phallus-shaped objects, such as knives. They could have feelings that sex is unclean in response to mother's emotions or pornographic influences. The child could be born with a spirit or habit of lust. He or she could be drawn as an adult to fornication, prostitution, and lust.

Healing for prenatal sexual wounds

o Recognition may have to come from discernment from The Holy Spirit, unless mother has confirmed through conversations
with the child.

o Forgiveness of father for injury to mother and for frightening the baby. This will happen by faith, out of obedience to the word of God.

When parents have healthy attitudes regarding sex, children survive common sexual experiences quite well. But when parents are immature, fearful, insensitive or immoral, the negative impact of these experiences will be much greater.

Common sexual experiences of childhood and adolescence

o Breast feeding

o Diaper and potty training

o Genital discovery, and play

o Discovery of pornography and voyeurism

o Sexuality in dating

o Masturbation

wrongful parental responses to common sexual experiences

o Categorizing any and all common sexual experience as sin, or taboo is not a good idea.

The biggest problem is a parent's over-reaction to common sexual experiences. Becoming frantic and fearful when a child is caught exploring his or her sexuality can cause a greater harm to the child than the act itself

If a child is found playing "show and tell" with body pans, with the neighbor child or with a sibling, it would be better not to over-react, but simply and calmly explain that this is not acceptable behavior. Our private parts are wonderful and given to us by God, but they are not to be compared or shown to one another. This is the area of the body that God chose to filter out the waste product from the food and drink that the body doesn't use for fuel. That's why we wash our hands after
we go to the bathroom.

If the child is old enough for a discussion concerning reproduction, This might be the time for that as well. The age of the child will determine the vocabulary and the direction of the conversation. What you don't want is the child thinking that the body is dirty, or shameful, and thus so is he/she.

If the child is found masturbating, chances are he/she is old enough for the reproductive talk. It is important to let he/she know that the feelings that he/she has are very normal. These emotions are being developed to prepare him/her for marriage. This is not love, but this is a wonderful expression of love between a husband and a wife. It is ordained, created, designed and given by God as a gift to a husband and a wife for the purpose of celebration. On your own or outside of marriage it is used by satan to corrupt good morals. The emotions and feelings are not bad or sinful, how we respond to these feelings make them sinful. We ask the Lord to help us control our feelings and emotions. Sometimes it is very difficult, but we do the very best that we can.

o We do not want sex to become a substitute for love.

o We do not want sex to become an emotional outlet

A well spring in a dry and thirsty land!

Healing for those wounded by common sexual experiences.

o Teach - Remove the taboos and put the behavior in its proper perspective.

o Pray accordingly for forgiveness by helping the client to see his/her own heart.

o Help the client to see the heart of the parents who responded wrongly, and pray to forgive them, tempering accountability with understanding.

o Discern possible inner vows and take authority over them.

o Break any associations equating perversions with love.

o Pray for deliverance of spirits as needed.


Other causes of sexual dysfunction

o Neglect or lack of affection

o Physical abuse

o Controlling family

o Verbal abuse, especially regarding gender

o o Family did not share feelings

o Parental Inversion

o Substitute Mate


He gave his all a ransom for all!

Sexual sins will occur wherever sex has been made to seem unclean. Some churches still teach the false doctrine that the body is evil. In these environments, the natural curiosity of children is made to seem nasty and unclean, thus provoking a rebellious desire to do and see
what is forbidden.

A number of heresies throughout the history of the church have given rise to this idea that the spirit is good and the flesh is bad. Holding to this view, the Greeks could not accept that Jesus, the very Son of God, could have been born as a lowly human being amid all the pain and blood, suckled at His mother's breast, and had His diapers changed! In the 1800's both Catholics and Protestants were taught that it was sinful to enjoy sex, and that true Christians would therefore mortify their desires.

It is against this backdrop of false morality, guilt and shame that we must hold on to the truth of our creation and of God's gift to us.
"And the word became flesh "
John 1:14

Masturbation

Masturbation is a controversial subject among
Christians. Some say it is sinful, and others suggest it is quite natural and not sinful at all.

There are no scriptures which specifically id´┐Żntify masturbation as sin. Leviticus 15:16
o speaks of a man ejaculating, but says only that he is unclean until he washes, not that this act is sinful. Some Christians quote the story of Onan and his brother's wife as evidence of the sinfulness of masturbation is sinful; however, the text is not about masturbation at all, but rather Onan's sin of not allowing his brother to have issue,

Masturbation becomes sinful under certain conditions: when it is accompanied by fantasy; and when the euphoria following climax becomes a substitute for prayer, thus becoming an idol. Either of these conditions turns masturbation into an addiction and a basis for future and more serious sexual dysfunctions.

Healing for addiction to masturbation involves:

A. recognizing roots/ circumstances which created the addiction, and forgiving appropriate persons, including oneself

B. lessening the struggle in the flesh- Battling any addiction through sheer willpower only increases the problem. Help the person to release the struggle to the Lord, and begin to sublimate energies to other outlets.
C. deliverance, if necessary - Sometimes a
spirit of sexual lust or perversion must be cast away, but always in conjunction with healing the roots.

Dating

There was no dating in biblical days. Parents chose spouses for their children, often without consulting them. The purposes of dating were accomplished through the first three months of a year long honeymoon period, during which biblical couples got to know one another.

Since the Bible says nothing of dating, parents must prepare children with careful teaching:
A. Our bodies are holy the touching of sexual and genital areas of the body is to be reserved only for spouses.
B. Long-term dating of one person increases dangers of familiarity. To avoid these problems, dating can often be done in groups, and around both sets of parents. When couples are alone they should avoid long kisses which might lead to arousal
C. As relationships grow, memories and shared experiences create increased intimacy and fondness, making it more and more difficult to stay sexually pure. What is safe tonight may not be safe tomorrow.
1). When an embrace turns from fondness to passion, it's time to stop. We are created for covenant. Our inner beings recognize passion for the other as entrance into the covenant relationship that belongs only to the spouse. We are naturally drawn to it but, out of love for ourselves and the other, must avoid it until marriage.
F. Sexual union is a union of our spirits and thus of our entire beings. Children need to know how precious this union is to husband and wife, and conversely, how hurtful it is without the covering of marriage and the blessing of God.

OLD TESTAMENT

Genesis 38:9 - But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his seed on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother.

Leviticus 6:1-7- The Lord said to Moses: "If any-one sins and is unfaithful to the Lord by deceiving
his neighbor about something entrusted to him or left in his care or stolen, or if he cheats him, or if he finds lost property and lies about it, or if he swears falsely, or if he commits any such sin that people may do-- when he thus sins and becomes guilty, he must return what he has stole nor taken by extortion, or what was entrusted to him, or the lost property he
found, or whatever it was he swore falsely about. He must make restitution in full, add a fifth of the value to it and give it all to the owner on the day he presents his guilt offering. And as a penalty he must bring to the priest, that is, to the Lord, his guilt offering, a ram from the flock, one without defect and of the proper value. In this way the priest will make atonement for him before the Lord, and he will be forgiven for any of these things he did that made him guilty."

Leviticus 15:16 - "When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean fill evening."

Deuteronomy 22;21 - ... she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while in her fathers' house. Purge the evil from among you.



Proverbs 5:5-6-Her the adulteress'] feet go down to death: her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.


NEW TESTAMENT

Matthew 5:28 - "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Johns: 8; 1O-11-Jesus straighted up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin"

John 19:11 -Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater sin."

Romans 7:14-25-We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer 1 who do it,

but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being J delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

I Corinthians 7:14 - For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

I Thessalonians 4:3-5 NAS - For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God...

I John 5:16 - If anyone sees his brother sinning, if the sin is not deadly, he should pray to God and he will give him life. This is only for those whose sin is not deadly. There is such a thing as deadly sin, about which I do not say that you should pray.

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Site Last Updated Friday, June 15, 2001. 11:22:52