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Emotional
Abuse
When God gives us life, He also supplies the materials we
need for "construction" of spirit, soul, and
body. When we raise our children with God's blueprint we
have His Word that their characters will be strong and
unshakable, founded upon the Rock. Abusive parents ignore
God's design, and thus raise their children with no such
blueprint. Instead they build them on the shifting sands
of their own erratic whims and selfish choices.
Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they
thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that
we may share In His holiness. No discipline seems
pleasant at the lime, but painful Later on, however, It
produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those
who have been trained by it Hebrews 12:10-11
In His Word, God provides us with the healthy and
appropriate forms of discipline necessary to raising
children. These guidelines are examined at length in this
lesson, and contrasted with the damaging behaviors of
emotionally abusive parents, whose arbitrary and
inconsistent responses destroy the natural sense of
justice God supplies to our spirits.
Godly discipline is meant to give a child control. Abuse
takes the control away from a child. Godly discipline
draws a clear line which, the child must not cross. See,
I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse.
The blessing jf you obey... the curse if
You disobey. . Deuteronomy 11:26. Abuse blurs and changes
boundary lines at a whim.
Godly discipline fits the punishment to the crime. In the
abusive situation, punishment is arbitrary, inconsistent
and often unfair. Godly discipline distinguishes between
mistakes and deliberate acts of sin. Numbers .35:17;
Numbers 35:25
Unfortunately to an abuser, there are no accidents;
someone is always to blame.
Godly discipline enables a child to please, where abuse
demands the child please the parents, yet makes it
impossible to do so. Godly discipline teaches a chore by
increments; abuse expects performance without instruction
Matthew 23:4. Godly discipline is
"age-appropriate" Deuteronomy 30:11; if
Corinthians 10:13
Godly discipline cuts off guilt. It clothes the child in
righteousness Psalm 103:12; Hebrews12:10.
Abuse
attaches guilt to the child
It uses lecturing to force the child into right thinking
It reminds child of past sins
It makes terrible predictions of the future
It labels the sinner rather then the sin
It does not welcome back the child
It gives few rewards or compliments
Godly discipline gives the child a voice. It declares the
child
innocent wherever possible
Job 33:32 Abuse allows no self defense. Godly discipline
allows appropriate ways to vent Psalms 77:88. Abuse
provokes a child to feel, then does
not allow any emotional outlet.
Godly discipline honors uniqueness and strengthens a
child's will. Abuse erases all interpersonal boundaries
Proverbs 22:6 Abuse sees disagreement as defiance, and
punishes it. Abuse does not encourage the child to be
herself, with a unique personality, likes and dislikes,
and talents. Instead the child must mirror the parents.
If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of
hearing be? I Corinthians 12:17
The adult victim of child abuse does not feel in control
of life. She cannot feel forgiven. She finds it hard to
distinguish if and when she is innocent. She doesn't feel
like she can be herself, or that she has permission to
feel badly about any unhealthy situation. She feels as
though she is bad no matter who is at fault.
Ministry
to victims of emotional abuse
Educate: Help to restore innate sense of justice by
teaching how to hold others accountable Romans 14:12.
Teach her how to declare her innocence. Teach her to see
that the discipline must match the crime. I John 5:16;
John 19:11; Deuteronomy 22:21; Leviticus 6:1-5
Minister to fear of emotions. Validate emotions, and help
her to see them as manageable in the healing process
Isaiah 53:4,5; Psalms 119:1 05. Help her to see that the
obligation to forgive doesn't require putting an
immediate end to negative feelings
Ephesians 4:26-27
Have her confess, repent, and forgive. Pronounce a
parent's blessing upon the client.
Central to the problem of emotionally abusive parents is
the sin of usurping God. These parents subject their
children to rules of their own making, but fail to be
governed by God's rules for raising and loving their
children. They govern their children to please themselves
instead of the Father, and put their own shifting codes
in place of God's never-changing moral law. Thus they
occupy His place- most often administering unforgiveness
and guilt in the place of appropriate consequences and
cleansing forgiveness and love.
As a result, it becomes almost impossible for emotionally
abused children to understand they are loved and accepted
after doing wrong. God's consequences always end in
righteousness, but abuse fosters only quilt and
condemnation. These do not fulfill the purpose of God's
discipline, which is to build us and bring us closer to
Him.
OLD
TESTAMENT
Leviticus 6:1-5 - The Lord said to Moses: "If anyone
sins and is unfaithful to the Lord by deceiving his
neighbor about something entrusted to him or left in his
care or stolen, or if he cheats him, or if he finds lost
property and lies about it, or if he swears falsely, or.
If he commits any such sin that people may do- when he
thus sins and becomes guilty, he must return what he has
stolen or taken by extortion, or what was entrusted to
him, or the lost property he found, or whatever it was he
swore falsely about. He must make restitution in full,
add a fifth of the value to it and give it all to the
owner on the day he presents his guilt offering"
Leviticus20:27-A man or woman who is a medium or
spiritist among you must be put to death. You are to
stone them; their blood will be on their own heads.
Numbers 35:16-18, 22-25 - "'If a man strikes someone
with an iron object so that he dies, he is a murderer;
the murderer shall be put to death. Or if anyone has a
stone in his hand that could kill, and he strikes someone
so that he dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be
put to death. Or if anyone has a wooden object in his
hand that could kill, and he hits someone so that he
dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be put to
death. . . But if without hostility someone suddenly
shoves another or throws something at him
unintentionally, or, without seeing him, drops a stone on
him that could kill him, and he dies, then since he was
not his enemy and he did not intend to harm him, the
assembly must judge between him and the avenger of blood
according to these regulations. The assembly must protect
the one accused of murder from the avenger of blood and
send him back to the city of refuge to which he fled. He
must stay there until the death of the high priest, who
was anointed with the holy oil."
Deuteronomy 11:26 - See, I am setting before you today a
blessing and a curse-the blessing if you obey the
commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today;
the curse if you disobey the commands of the Lord your
God and turn from the way that I command you today by
following other gods, which you have not known.
Deuteronomy22:2l- ...she shall be brought to the door of
her father's house and there the men of her town shall
stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in
Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's
house. You must purge the evil from Israel.
Deuteronomy3O:11 -Now what I am commanding you today is
not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.
Deuteronomy 30:19 - . . .1 have set before you life and
death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you
and your children may live.
Job 33:32-33-"If you have anything to say, answer;
speak up, for I want you to be cleared. But if not, then
listen to me; be silent, and Twill teach you
wisdom."
Psalm 32:8 - I will instruct you and teach you in the way
you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
Psalm 77- I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God
to hear me! When I was in distress, I sought the Lord! At
night I stretched out untiring hands! And my soul refused
to be comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
/ I mused, and my spirit grew faint. / You kept my eyes
from closing; I was too troubled to speak. 1 thought
about the former days, in the years of long ago; I
remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my
spirit inquired: "Will the Lord reject us forever?
Will he never show his favor again? / Has his unfailing
love vanished forever? / Has his promise failed for all
time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? / Has he in anger
withheld his compassion?' (Selah)! Then I thought,
"To this will appeal: the years of the right hand of
the Most High"! I will remember the deeds of the
Lord; / yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago! I
will meditate on all your works! And consider all your
mighty deeds.
Your ways, 0 God, are holy! What god is so great as our
God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display
your power among the peoples! With your mighty arm you
redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and
Joseph.
(Selah)! The waters saw you, 0 God, the waters saw you
and writhed; the very depths were convulsed, The clouds
poured down water and the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth! Your thunder was
heard in the whirl-wind! Your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked!
Your path led through the sea, / your way through the
mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen. You
led your people like a flock! by the hand of Moses and
Aaron.
Psalm 88 -0 Lord, the God who saves me, day and night I
cry out before you.! May my prayer come before you;! turn
your ear to my cry.! For my soul is full of trouble! and
my life draws near the grave.! I am counted among those
who go down to the pit! I am like a man without strength.
I am set apart with the dead, like the slain who
lie in the grave! Whom You remember no more, who are cut
off from your care. You have put me in the lowest pit, in
the darkest depths. Your wrath lies heavy upon
me;
You
have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
(Selah)!You have taken me from my closest friends! And
have made me repulsive to them.! I am confined and cannot
escape; my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you; 0
Lord, every day; I spread my hands out to you. Do you
show your wonders to the dead? Do those who are dead rise
up and praise you? (Selah) Is Your love declared in the
grave? your faithfulness in Destruction? Are your wonders
known in the place of darkness; or your righteous deeds
in the land of oblivion? But I cry to you for help, 0
Lord! In the morning my prayer comes before
You. Why; O Lord, do you reject me? And hide your face from
me? From my youth I have been afflicted and dose to
death; I have suffered your terrors and am in despair.
Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed
me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have
openly engulfed me! You have taken my companions and
loved ones from me! The darkness is my closest friend.
Psalm 103:12 -. . As far as the east is from the west, so
far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalms 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet! And a
light for my path.
Psalm 139:13-14 - For you created my inmost being! You
knit me together in my mother's womb. ! I praise you
because I am fearfully and wonder-fully made...
Proverbs 22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs22: 1 - A good name is more desirable than great
riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.
Isaiah
53:4-5 - Surely he took up our infirmities I and carried
our sorrow, /yet we considered him stricken by God, /
smitten by him, and afflicted. I But Vie was pierced for
our transgressions, / he was crushed for our iniquities;
/ the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, I
and by his wounds we are healed.
NEW TESTAMENT
Matthew 10:30-31 - "And even the very hairs of your
head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth
more than many sparrows. See also Luke
12:7
Matthew 23:4 - "They tie up heavy loads and put them
on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing
to lift a finger to move them."
John 10:18 - "No one takes it from me, but I lay it
down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down
and authority to take it up again. This command I
received from my Father."
John 19:10-11 - "Do you refuse to speak to me?"
Pilate said. "Don't you realize I have the power
either to free you or to crucify you?"
Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if
it were not given to you from above. Therefore the one
who handed me over to you is guilty of a greater
sin."
Romans 14:12 - So then, each of us will give an account
of himself to God.
I Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has seized you except
what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not
let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you
are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you
can stand up under it.
I Corinthians 12:17 - If the whole body were an eye,
where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body
were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?
Ephesians 4:26-27 - "In your anger do not sin. Do
not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do
not give the devil a foothold.
Hebrews 12:10-12 - Our fathers disciplined us for a
little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us
for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No
discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later
on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and
peace for those who have been trained by it.
I Timothy 5:1 - Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but
exhort him as if he were your father.
I John 5:16 -If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that
does not lead to death, he should pray and God will give
him life.
Revelation 3:20 - "Here I am! I stand at the door
and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I
will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
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victims
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Last Updated Monday, December 24, 2001. 15:37:20
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